The Window and the Basement

Hyperarousal, hypoarousal, and The Ramones.

Dec 03, 2023

There’s a horror trope that I call the ol’ Trapped-in-a-Basement story, where a person is held hostage by some type of evil maniac. I’m not a fan of these stories for two reasons.

One, because they happen in real life. When I was in college in Philadelphia I read about a killer who had been keeping several women hostage in his basement. He was able to get away with it for years because he chose to live in a badly impoverished area of the city, and he mainly targeted sex workers. I was (and still am) deeply disturbed by what happened to these women. And this is one of the many stories where this kind of thing occurred in real life—the locations and circumstances differed, but the central theme remains the same.

The idea of being held against your will, subject to the whims of a monster was something that would return to my thoughts—not in a “woah, cool that’s so creepy” way, more in a “this is a horror beyond words” kind of way. And so, the other reason avoid these stories is because when my addiction and mental health issues progressed, the “basement” became a personal metaphor for my own private hell. Sort of a shorthand concept for a certain emotional state that made me feel like my life was entirely bereft of hope. When I felt it acutely, it was I’m trapped… I’m going to die. Other times, it was more of a dull hurt that dragged me down, I will never get out of here…there is no point to even trying.

That’s why I’m good without reading or watching The Girl Next Door or whatever. BUT, let’s dive a little deeper into this idea of mentally “being stuck in the basement” shall we?

The Window of Tolerance

The window of tolerance is a concept I found out about in recovery when I was learning about emotional regulation. This metaphor was coined by Dr. Dan Siegel, and it explains that each person has a “window” of emotional activity (aka mental arousal) where they can deal with people, situations, frustrations, triggers—whatever life throws at them at any given time. Essentially, when you’re in this window, things affect you, but they don’t totally throw you off or obliterate you.

This short video by Dr. Tracey Marks gives an excellent overview.

We all have a window of tolerance, but those of us with mental health issues, trauma, and/or addiction may find that their window is on the narrow side. Plus, if you’re like me and you never learned how to understand intense emotions, self-sooth, or create boundaries as a child, you reached adulthood and were time and time again tossed out of your “window” like the old lady in Gremlins.

In a state of hyperarousal, a person is primed to detect threat. It’s the “fight or flight” response that makes you feel trapped, overwhelmed, and paranoid. In other words, it makes you become Kurt Russell in The Thing.

In a state of hypoarousal, a person’s internal circuits just kind of freeze and shut down. This can cause people to become withdrawn, empty, or even become nonverbal. This mental state turns us into a tamer version of a Romero zombie.

The times I relapsed were always when I was outside of my window of tolerance. And before I got sober, a lot of the drinking I did was as a way to regulate my emotions and maintain my window as best I could. I drank because of situations, like losing a job, being rejected, and interpersonal conflicts, but I also drank because of longer-term issues like depression, loneliness, and isolation.

After learning about the window of tolerance, I realized that my “basement” concept encapsulates the emotional overwhelm that happened when I would be pushed out of my window. Being triggered, either because of an association to a past traumatic event, or because something made me want to drink, puts me in the basement. And whenever I’m down there, it feels like forever: I’ve always been there and I’ll never get out again. Time has a way of warping when we’re in a triggered state, so it’s important to remember that these emotional situations are temporary, and you can get out of them,

The ideal is to stay in the window—even if you are triggered—so you can process and regulate whatever is trying to throw you off. It doesn’t mean that you won’t be affected by stressful situations, difficult emotions, or feel pain, but it does mean that you can process your feelings without being totally knocked down and obliterated every time.

When I’m in my window: I feel like I have agency and choices, I have a sense of the normal flow of time, I am able to identify coping tactics and ask for help. I am not going to drink, and if I have a craving, I will be able to deal with it until it passes.

When I’m in the basement: I do not feel safe, I am trapped, this is forever, nobody can help me. I am much more likely to drink, self-harm, or make rash decisions.

I don’t wanna go down to the basement.

If you feel like you are easily pushed down into the basement, I’ve got good news. You can widen your window and you can learn different tactics for getting back into your comfort zone if you’ve been knocked off balance. It takes some practice, but I can tell you from personal experience (and seeing others in recovery) that it does work.

Ways to widen your window:

Work with a licensed mental health clinician. If you already have a therapist, talk to them about your window and discuss the things that tend to push you out of it. They can help you identify and process your triggers, as well as help you build emotional resilience.
Be aware of your current physical state. Did you eat today? Have you been drinking enough water? Too much caffeine or nicotine? In AA, they use the acronym HALT for Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired, as these are all states that can push a person closer to drinking.
- Go through a mental checklist and see if there’s something you need to do. A nutritious meal, a shower, a good night’s sleep, or a walk in fresh air can go a long way to widening your window and making you less reactive.

What to do if you’re in the basement:

Recognize your symptoms. Identify your feelings and physical sensations. Are your muscles tensing up? Is your heart beating fast? Do you feel numb? You know what your basement feels like, so if you recognize being there, just acknowledge that’s what’s happening. No judgement—this is part of recovery.
Name your thoughts and feelings in as objective a way as possible. Instead of “I’m trapped” try, “I feel trapped.” Or, instead of “I am a loser” try, “Right now I feel like a loser.”
Ground yourself. Stop what you’re doing and focus on where your feet are. Pay attention to the sensation of where your heels, the balls of your feet, and your toes meet the floor.
Breathe. Do a simple breathing exercise like 3-part breath or box breathing. It really does make your nervous system calm down and can lower your heart rate—I always do breath-work when I’m on a plane during takeoff.
Do: reach out to your support network, listen to calming music, write in a journal, draw or color in a coloring book, do some light movement or stretching, read a book or watch a movie you love.
Don’t: make big decisions, start important discussions, or post on social media. You can do all this when you are in a calmer place.
Know it’s ok if you have cravings for drugs and/or alcohol! The key is not to act on the craving. Be sure to hit up a peer support meeting, talk to your therapist, and use any other mental health resources that help keep your recovery strong.

It’s hard work, but every time you get yourself back into your window you are strengthening your recovery. And hey Daddy-o, that’s a big deal!

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