Borrowed time
Read/watch/listen/recover
Today is that special day we get a whole extra 24 hours! It also means that I managed to squeeze in a post for February at the last minute. I’ve got a roundup for you because a longer essay just wasn’t possible this time around—two of my family members went to the hospital this past month, and I spent the last few days knocked on my butt from a mean case of the stomach flu. Everyone is doing all right at the moment, but this whole month really sucked, so I’m looking forward to moving on to March.
However, since it is Leap Year and we have a bonus day, I’ve been thinking about the idea of “borrowed time.” I always used to feel like I was running out of time. I was haunted by this phantom deadline that motivated me at first, and then eventually just petrified me with anxiety. I think this is something people with addiction issues have experienced in one form or another, and I’ve heard people with childhood trauma say similar things.
It’s interesting, because when you get sober, it’s kind of like getting bonus time back. Instead of being inebriated, or hungover (or dead) you have this whole new blank slate. And that can bring its own weird pressure to “make it count” or “make it really matter.”
Here’s what I think about that: if you did not drink or use today, you are making it matter. (And if you did drink, you’re still reading this, which means you are on the right track.)
Back from the Dead February roundup!
Books
I have told multiple people about this book and I am sure I sounded insane, because there’s just no way to explain it in a sane way. A mom of a toddler thinks she is turning into a dog. (Not a werewolf, mind you.) This novel captures what it’s like to be an artist and mother—all of the chaos, confusion, tenderness, loneliness, and of course, the unbridled rage. Plus, Yoder’s descriptions of life with a toddler are so on point they made me laugh out loud.
This novel is a Mexican gothic ghost story that will leave you creeped out but also craving arroz con pollo. Set against the backdrop of the Mexican War of Independence, a young woman marries above her station and moves out to the sprawling Hacienda San Isidro and quickly realizes that something is deeply wrong with the place. It contains shades of Rebecca, Hell House, and a priest who practices magic. What’s not to like? There’s a lot to unpack in this one about class and codependence, and I plan on writing about it in more detail in another essay.
Film
Everything I Learned When My House Burned Down: A Comedy
Directed by Joe Pickett
I’ve followed comedian Jacy Catlin on Instagram for years and his stupid drawings and love of metal have brought me lots of joy. But in 2021, he posted about his house burning down—on the coldest night of the year in rural Wisconsin. All of his family members and pets were unharmed, but his entire house was destroyed. The way he decided to deal with this awful event was to get philosophical and make a short documentary about it, and frankly, it’s pretty damn funny. I’m a big believer in processing traumatic events through art, and it’s always a bonus if you can get a laugh or two out of it as well.
Music
I traveled to Berlin at the end of last year and have been exploring German post-punk ever since. One of the albums I’ve had on repeat is Dark Star, a collection of home recordings Tom Diabo made while recovering from a brain tumor from 1979 to 1986. (Talk about borrowed time…) As the label Manufactured Records describes: “Recorded on a 2-track using economic means, such as bouncing-down and recording vocals with guitars simultaneously, it’s a primitive portrait of an artist grappling with a renewed sense of life and the ever-looming reality of death.” That, but with a good beat.
Get involved
The She Recovers Foundation is having an online event to redefine recovery by bringing awareness to intersecting issues specific to the next generation of women in mental health and addiction recovery. There is a huge panel of speakers, all are encouraged and welcome to attend, and it’s free! Check out their event page to learn more.
Support independent booksellers!
Buy books online from Bookshop.org and get your audio books from Libro.fm and Libby.